Parenting

Tom Hicks posted on twitter awhile back about parenting. It is reproduced here as it is a helpful summary of key things.

Bad parenting centralizes a child’s will in the name of giving him agency (which is the Left’s definition of treating a child like a person). The result will be a self-centered and self-willed adult, unless God intervenes.

Good parenting centralizes the will of God revealed in His Word (which is God’s definition of treating a child like a person). The result, if God adds His blessing, will be a Christ-centered adult.

What does Christ-centered parenting look like?

1. Sincerely love your spouse so that your kids will see what it looks like to be a Christian. This is essential. All other aspects of parenting will be undermined if this is not a reality. You have to be a real Christian and act like it in your marriage to be a Christ-centered parent.

2. Repent of your sins. When you sin against your spouse or your children, confess your sins by their biblical name and repent and be willing to be held accountable.

3. Love your children. Talk to them. Really listen to them. Care about what they think. Respect them. Spend time with them and communicate your pleasure in them. This should be the main spirit of the home. Play with them. Make time for fun together. Grace upon Grace.

4. Spank your children in love. The rod and reproof give wisdom to children according to the Bible (Prov 29:15). You must teach them they are under God’s authority or they will become authoritarian fools of some kind, unless God powerfully intervenes. Never ever spank in anger and don’t ever harm your children. See Ginger Hubbard’s book Don’t Make Me Count to Three. Spank for willful violations of the Ten Commandments, but only with proof. Always remind them of the gospel and point them to Jesus. They have to know you love them when you spank them.

5. Teach your children to be Christians in their hearts, rather than pharisees who pretend outwardly. That the true faith is one of inward grace, true humility, faith, love, and perseverance. Help them to think about the sins in their hearts and help them apply Christ to their hearts, using His law and gospel.

6. Fathers lead your family in worship daily. The daily bread of the Word of God and prayer ministered to your family are the ordinary means of grace to keep your family set upon God’s truth and daily pointed to Jesus. Speak of the law and gospel to your children, centered on Christ. Read books of the Bible, pray, and sing together. Share your experiences in Christ with your family. Teach them the creeds and catechism.

7. Teach your children to work. Teach them to join you in your work around the house and in the yard. They might slow the work down but this will benefit them greatly.

8. Teach your children how to resolve conflict among themselves. Model it for them. The Peacemaker by Ken Sande is an excellent resource.

9. Make sure your children are truly educated. They need to learn about how this is God’s world, that math and science and history, etc., are rooted in the nature of God Himself. Make sure they read the best books.

10. Take your children to church faithfully for the whole Lord’s Day. Your children need the public means of grace and they need the community of the saints as an example of Christlikeness. If you don’t prioritize church, they certainly won’t. Don’t ever neglect the Lord’s Day for sports or entertainment. You’re teaching your children by your faithfulness to Christ’s Day.

11. Have very open and frank conversations with your children about everything. You won’t be able to shield them from all evil. That’s why you have to teach them about it, and use the Bible to explain it. Don’t shy away from any topic that comes up.

12. Forgive your children as Christ has forgiven you. Love them as Christ has loved you. Remember they belong to God and not you, which means you must raise them His way, revealed in the Bible, not your own way. Always speak of your great need of Christ. Speak much of your own sins and the greatness of salvation in Jesus.